the world is my ashtray

stolen from mad mad madison

2006-10-03T19:55:01Z

Favorites:
Drink: coffee, water, tea, cranberry juice, orange juice. i love bevs.
Food: bruchetta
Snack: carmel popcorn
Alc Bev: red wine
Color: amber
Subject: philosphy, media studies
Memory of childhood: everything.
Band: radiohead
Concert: radiohead a few summers ago, tool the other night came in as a close second but i was on the lawn as opposed to in the pit
T-Shirt: i don't knoww
Pants: jeans with redicuously large holes in the knees and paint on them
Shoes: uggs
Place: far away
Family member: this is a silly question.
Radio Station: xpn
car: mine
celebrity: i don't care
What is one thing you can't live without?
air

What is one song you could listen to over and over and not get sick of?
anything from fiona apple's when the pawn
Who do you look up to?
good people who actually do things.
Do you do drugs?
yes

What would your dream job be?
helping, art
Do you believe in anything?
i believe that as humans we're not in the position to say what is and what is not.

If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
new zealand. i'm going to study there next year.

If you had one superpower what would it be?
to flyyyy. or freeze time maybe.

What do you think the best quality a person could have is?
an open mind

Last question: Are you happy?
sometimes

flipflopyonipnopbitz

2006-09-24T06:29:30Z

i knew this was going to happen. fuckass. i could feel it eminating off of the hacking, sniffing weezing people i like to hang out with, i could feel it creeping into my lungs as i was breathing that shit in. since i had the means i've been drinking oj, but it's too late for that. even vitamins won't stop this beast. i can hear that sound you get in your cough, that hollow echo sound that bellows through your chest. sometimes, one nostril's cool and the other ones fuckin useless. ahh, balls.

i went to a wedding today. there was good food and my outfit was just diiviine. there were bubblesss, free bevs and ooooh the cake! blackberris razperries blueberries strawberries, plump and juicy as one could hope for. all in all i enjoyed myself.

workie poo tomorrow. poooopoo. i love the week so much more than the weekends anymore. hopefully my impending cold won't be too much of a hindrance to my rigid agenda. i'm a pusspuss. shut me up. it's not even that every slice of time is employed, but my tenacity is so delicate. i'd use anything as an excuse. or that's how i'd expect myself to be, sometimes i'm supprised.

i look forward to better establishing the complacancy of my surroundings with some metallic spray paint and twinkle lights. spray paint can do wonders for wicker. i wouldn't hear of a wicker chair in my house, perhaps a table, but what i got meez a shelf. also, the carlo rosse posse should be holding a meeting and rocking out to some everclear and third eye blind. it's been over a week and that's just unacceptable.

i'm watching the libertine and i'm enthralled g2g

omgkbye @ 2006-09-21T23:55:00

2006-09-22T03:59:52Z

i finally feel like a grown-up. i never realized how much work it was going to be. and i'm one of the lucky ones who isn't financially independent of her parents. i have health insurance, car insurance, and a cell phone. and my dad let me use his credit card to purchase $200 worth of camera supplies. makes it much easier i'm sure, but my mind is is still in a fog. all these god damn technicalities. i write lists and lists day after day of all the miniscule petty tasks i need to accomplish, which at least gives me an objective but more often than not i just look back at them feeling like a useless blob. and there's barely even time to do that.

i did finally realize, after accumulating a gpa of somewhere around 2.6 last semester, that if i am going to be paying absurd amounts of money to attend this school i might as well take it seriously. i have not (intentionally) missed a class yet!
it's hard to swallow the fact that i am going to be paying off these loans for a long time when i could get the same education for free. i feel like i would be better off learning that way sometimes, this one professor i have is like a robot. he might as well pass out the lesson plan he reads off every day and just let us read it ourselves on our own time. and some of the most brilliant people i know certainly don't have a paper declaring how much their mind is worth, and they struggle because of this which is so wrong and infuriating that i hate to contribute to this fucked up system we're stuck in. but then i leave other classes feeling smarter and fulfilled. each course DOES cost $4607.50 dollars to be there. so damn right i should feel fulfilled. shit.

schedule:
intro to media studies -- enlightening/sickening. interactive, good conversations take place here.
writing for communications-- we have to re-design a website for this non-profit organization called buildabridge international that sponsors art programs for chilluns in the ghetto. very very cool.
photography--expensive/time consuming, but i'm getting very into it. my aunt just gave me theee nicest 35mm nikon from like 1979 or something. it's a little broken, as soon as i get some mons that shit's getting fixed. in the meantime, i was able to borrow a camera from the department, but it's not as much fun. mine's much more bangin yo. i like windin that shit. none of that automatic nonsense.
global justice--interesting subject, shitty teacher. robot man. i could teach that class better myself.

so there's the schoolin during the week, work all weekend. being busy is fun. i have no time to sit around picking myself apart and i've found as a result of this i'm much more content in general. i love my apartment and my lovely ladiies who share it with me. it's small but freaking cute. our landlord plays piano beautifully, and whenever he plays i stop whatever music i'm playing to listen. we cook lavish meals, and our combined assortment of books, music and tea could keep me happy there for a long time. the atmosphere is just good, the vibe is good, the people are harmonic. we live right down the street from this great park with all kinds of nature trails zigzagging through the wooded area it's surrounded by, a lake/stream with waterfalls, and this bird sanctuary at the top of the hill. i've settled right in.

one thing we do lack, is the internet. and a puppy. :( i've been sitting here in the library now writing papers and trying to electronically sign a promiscurry noteand the god damn thing is telling me my driver's liscense number is not what i say it is. i've really had it with this shit and this wooden chair is not making my hiney happy, so i am going to leave this place.

tool=one week.

omgkbye @ 2006-08-13T00:40:00

2006-08-13T08:01:59Z

wellwlwlwlwellll. a long time ago me and my brother kyle, we were hitchikin down a long and lonesome road. all of the sudden... there shined a shiny demon. in the middle. of the road. AND HE SAID! playyyy the best song in the world. or i'll eat your so-uls.

a brief update on whats going on if anyone happens to give a stinky poo. the summer is almost over and in good time. i've grown tired of the current cycle that seems to repeat itself weekly almost to the tee. not to say i haven't enjoyed this summer but i'm ready to have some justifiable priorities in my life which i seem to have lacked over the past few lazy/drunk/unproductive/fun months. i've compeletely lost sight of everything i actually want. i just do things for no reason. summer man. fuckin right. i love it i can't wait for next summer.

i'm going to miss all of the awesome people who i see on a regular basis though. i'll miss the giggles. buttttt it will be good to see the people from school i haven't seen all summer. this year is going to be far better than the last given no unforeseen tradgedies strike. i really do like school as long as it's what i want to be doing and i'm comfortable and happy in my current situation. i just signed a lease for an apartment with shay. i've only brought a carload of stuff up but it's going to be so good. i've got high hopes man, high hopes.

i'm going to the shore with my family this week. it's funny that i've been there so many times this year and so have my parents, but we haven't been in the house at the same time once. i love my parents. i'm glad to be spending time with them exclusively, i hardly ever do that. i see my dad at work and i see my mom and have a cigarette and a little conversation with her in the wee hours of the morning when she's just waking up and i'm just going to bed.

bed. early day tomorrow. i have to go buy my mom judy collins tickets before work @1!!! she's going to peeee herself.

revison logs

2006-05-04T09:48:35Z

Revision logs.

Unit 2 #1
Initially I wanted to base my paper on the reasons for which people go as far as to devote their entire lives to religion when so many people's views contradict their own and there is no concrete evidence to prove or disprove any of what these religions claim to be facts. I thought this would be a good thing to write about because it was interesting and there were an abundant variety of sources at my disposal, but I decided to change the topic itsef to something more factual and less personal. Religion, especially for a person who is going to discredit it, can be a difficult topic to explore and describe without stepping on toes or offending a strong believer, and so I thought it would be best to change my topic to the oil shortage.

Unit 2# 2
First I need to develop my theis further to give the reader a clear prediction of the information that is to follow in the paper. Some sentences are choppy and could use further clarification, which will also make the paper flow better and make the transition from paragraph to paragraph smoother. I need to figure out exactly which information used in the paper came from which source, and then add the parenthetical citations and finalize my works cited page. Also, my first draft is only seven pages long, and a proper conclusion still needs to be added.

Unit 3
My first draft for the literary analysis was very rough, and basically only outlines what the final outcome of this unit will be. I plan to dicusss the ways in which people deal with tragic occurances, and how they differ from person to r, person, focusing specifically on the four main characters in the Sweet Hereafter: Billy Ansel, Nichole, Delores and Mitchell Stevens. The ways in which these individuals dealt with the tradgedy that applies specifically to their lives will be easy to explore because we've been able to learn exactly how they feel because the novel was devided into four different sections and written from the perspective of each of the four main characters. At first I had planned to write about how people in general deal with grief, but instead decided to focus on how the characters in the book handled it, and stayed away from anything irrelavent to the novel so that i could use specific examples and quotes to verify everyting i write.

omgkbye @ 2006-04-24T22:37:00

2006-04-25T05:39:39Z

this is terrible. i feel like my mind and body have been shot up with about 2 million miligrams of novicane because i can't feel a god damn thing.

sad excuse for an update

2006-04-11T05:36:23Z

EST - WORST - LAST

b e s t
1. Male friend: smack
2. Female friend: dem hos from school. camas shay and sarah.
3. Vacation: london
4. Memory: before this.

w o r s t
1. Time of day: morning if applicable
2. Day of the week: every day except monday and wedendsday
3. Food: mayonaise
4. Memory: hhhhssskkkkk

l a s t
1. Person you saw: smack
2. Talked to on the phone: smack
3. Hugged: momma
4. Text: jim
5. IM: brian

t o d a y
1. What are you doing now: this. about to go do some laundry and changea light bulb.
2. Wearing: some jeans and a sweater and a thingy and some shit
3. Better than yesterday: hmm yes.

t o m o r r o w
1. Is: tuesday
2. Got any plans: school 8:30 AM to 12. make house deposit at 1230. then either sleep the whole day away or take advantage of the beautiful weather and have a picinic.
3. Goal: to not fall asleep in class.
4. Dislikes about tomorrow: driving. class. waking up.

f a v o r i t e
1. Number: 9
2. Song: burning down the house

c u r r e n t l y
1. Missing someone: always
2. Mood: i couldn't even tell you.
3. Wanting: to not be such a fuck.

HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU FIRST

FELL IN LOVE - 16

LOST SOMEONE CLOSE TO YOU- 16

DRANK ALCOHOL- 15

SMOKED WEED- 13

GOT KISSED- 14

GOT STUNG BY A BEE- ehh 5?

WENT TO THE HOSPITAL- 3rd grade

GOT YOUR HEART BROKEN -17

LOST A PET- hampsters. i don't even know or care that much.

GOT ARRESTED- 16

SMOKED A CIGARETE- 12

BROKE A BONE- 3rd grade

GOT JUMPED- no

GOT A JOB- 12

GOT CHEATED- wha

RODE THE CITY BUS- pshk.

WENT TO A CONCERT- 15

MET SOMEONE FAMOUS- sdfsd

GOT IN A CAR CRASH- sdfsd

DYED YOUR HAIR-sdafsd

RODE AN AIRPLANE- 3RD FUCKING GRADE

how many...:

LONG TERM RELATIONSHIPS HAVE YOU BEEN IN- 2 1/2

TIMES HAS YOUR HEART BEEN BROKEN- 1

PETS DO U HAVE- 1

PEOPLE DO YOU HATE- 3 billion

TIMES HAVE U GOT DUMPED- nun! maybe once in 6th grade though. don't really know.

TIMES HAVE U DUMPED SOMEONE- 2

ok now repost this with the title "How old where you when you first......."

god damn fuck my fucking ass.

so that basically sums things up.

school sleep school sleep work drunk work drunk.

those are my weeks over and over.

i don't really like this part. i don't like where i am or anything about the whole thing at all actually. how can i be a grown up. what the fuck. and where the fuck is everyone. i wish i were in 8th grade. and why is everyone selling their house? it's so sad. my past is being erased before my eyes. it is in some literal aspects but they are all metaphoric of other shit. i should probably just move to guam and pick up some heroine and purposly od alone in a roach infested hotel room.

omgkbye @ 2006-03-03T01:00:00

2006-03-03T06:27:20Z

wooa ho ho. i should really try and keep up with this thing more, looking back at my el jay entries from the past fucking like, five years is literally my only tool that allows me to have any perception of the passage of time whatsoever. if it weren't for it my life from 7th grade on would all be a blur.

i have not been home in forEVER. it's nice in a way. i missed matty girl and ma buunng and smack and my mommy and daddy and sisy and kitchen and food and bath tub. i just wish it were the last time i were here. i hate how i spend the majority of my time wishing it would go by as quickly as possible. i just want to go back to things, or ahead to things. i hate being in the stage where something you were looking forward to has just come and gone and then you're back at the bottom. i'm not really at the bottom bottom, i'm just kind of slipping down the hill but there are other things on the way down that don't make the fall so hard, and by the time i get to the bottom i will be at the top of a different hill. summa summa summa tiime. god winter is so depressing no matter what. as soon as it starts to get nice out i am going to be so much happier. there will be so much more to do. i'm going to quit smoking i think. i feel gross doing it around brian and my mom says if i quit she will so hopefully that will be happening soon. i have to figure out which people who say things are just talking shit and which ones are legit. figure out weather or not i want to transfer or give it another go, see how i like old beaver college when i'm not trapped within the walls of confinement that are the dorms. as long as i have a space to live comfortably i think i will be happy no matter what i choose to do. that's why i have to figure this out. like. soon. smack get a job bum. please. you're the only person i don't want to stab that is in my realm of possiblilities, save for a few. est. cat. just think about luna. i miss sarah. i miss my babyboy. i miss it being pretty outside. i feel like i'm caught in a rut. i am going to england next week so fuck me for this redicuosly long entry of bitchy petty complaints. i just want other things more. i'm such a dumb bitch.

i'm working all weekend. friday night saturday night and sunday 130-? 8, 9 maybe. i'm happy to be making some mons, and not really caring about the obligation that happens to be occupying my time. i just want it to be summer so i can be happy and my love will be here and i can get a lot of hours in and get rich. lala imma uh, go now. hit jerome and take a bath.

omgkbye @ 2006-02-11T02:42:00

2006-02-11T08:02:02Z

oooooh man.

omgkbye @ 2006-01-24T00:23:00

2006-01-24T06:03:13Z

this weekend was rather delightful. i definitely got in a few good fits of laughter. that's what happens.

i need to get my tush-tush in gear. all these big plans of mine will just evaporate like most of my ambitions. just be replaced by something else. aah fuck me not taking care of my cds. i might have to get a portfolio together over the next couple of months. i'm not sure yet as to weather i w.aant to go to temple temple or tyler temple. i don't want to limit myself to either art or the tons of other things i want to learn about while i'm still being taught things formally. who knows. i have to figure that out. i have to get a job for the weekends. actually, i don't really. i would just like to. i can get by for a week with what i make at snockey's in one night, so working just on sundays is livable. i can fill my tank, buy cigs and an eighth, and have some leftover for miscellaneous beverages and foodies. i just want to be putting something into my bank account for london, and the summer. it now looks as though me smack and estie might get an apartment this summer. i would rather live with them than anyone else. we'd take over the world.

there's no more abrasive sound of cdsss skipppinnngaaa. except for maraiah carey's voice. mariah carey's voice on a scratched cd probably would take the cake. oww. the thought makes my skin crawl.

i am sitting in my bed on my brand new computah!! listening to MUSIC. a drastic improvement from last week. when i first came back last week i forgot my stereo, speakers, i had no computer, and i couldn't buy my books or go to the library cause of the buisness office hos and i had a couple books overdue. it was lametastic.

i hate confusing things. like pre calculus and stupid petty implications that could mean something or could just be some imaginary bullshit i fabricate and then keep in the back of my mind. i just feel like a helpless idiot. i have no idea, really, even though i feel like i do someties. feelings can be misleading. they really can, and man can it suck when we find these things out. out of no where, out of the blue.

hooo hummm. who knows.

i like this little computer. i like it when these things bring be as little trouble as possible. they can be very frustrating, and for some reason it really gets to me. makes me genuinely pissed off, and want to smash it into a thousand pieces. i'm going to do something else now. i should sleep soon. i have to wake up before dusk.

omgkbye @ 2006-01-20T23:02:00

2006-01-21T07:03:04Z

happy happy happy happpyyyyyyyyyyy

omgkbye @ 2006-01-20T04:10:00

2006-01-20T09:10:46Z

1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
well, the one that stares me in the face the most is on my wrist. it's from my sister scratching me when we were little.

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
a lot.

3. WHAT DOES YOUR CELL PHONE LOOK LIKE?
a cell phone.

4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LIKE TO LISTEN TO?
almost anything.

5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
night. 7ish

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
sleeping with brian

7. WHAT DO YOU MISS?
brian. some other people. summer. childhood.

8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION?
my puffalump, fred.

9. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SMELL?
rain on asphalt.

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
sometimes

11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
no.

12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
this HORRIBLE movie

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOGNE / PERFUME?
j-LO

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX
i like 'em shaggy.

15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO?
hell.

16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS?
coffeeee

17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?
tomato and basil

18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW WHAT WOULD IT BE?
hmm. a peach smoothie.

19. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?
my sissy. she's sleeping on the floor.

20. DO YOU SPEAK A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE?
un poco

21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU (OF THE OPPOSITE SEX)?
aww tommy carr

28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
i'm prone to it.

29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
there are plenty of good ways.

30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED :
420

31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTE?
uh

32. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN?
my mom or brian.

33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?
loud people

34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE US?
yep

35. YOUR WEAKNESSES?
blasphemy.

36. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
the most crime-ridden city in the country.

37. FIRST JOB?
snockey's

38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
duh

39. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED OUT THIS SURVEY?
wasting time. lots of it.

40.IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT WOULD IT BE?
no thanks. ask me again in 40 years.

41. WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS SURVEY?
i have no idea.

42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
paintings and eyes.

43. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?
buy it illegaly.

44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
a teleporter.

45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
one or two someday.

46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
just my middle name. mom's mom.

47. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
no.

48. WHICH FINGER[S] IS YOUR FAVORITE?
my pointer is pretty useful.

49. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?
earlier today. because that movie sucked so much.

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
i do.

51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
turkey

52. ANY BAD HABITS?
smoking, overanylizing

53. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF?
i'm not ashamed!!

54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
best friends!

55. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL?
maybe.

56. DO LOOKS MATTER?
yes.

57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?
i get drunk and bitch and moan.

58. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME?
college. 113 w. kistler.

59. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY?
nah

60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
babydolls.

61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE?
i don't know. plenty.

63. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
who doesn't?

64. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT?
yup.

65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
something that appeals to me.

66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
snasey cock, casey jones

68. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
no

70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
breyer's vanilla.

72. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE COLORS?
green, amber

73. do you like Heather Bierlair?
no,

74. WHO/WHAT DO YOU MISS MOST RIGHT NOW?
<3 vig.

75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
no.

76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
nothin

77. LAST THING YOU ATE?
umm, a few bites of a penut butter sandwich but it was salty and gross.

78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
sarah

79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?
wheather or not they're lame.

82. FAVORITE DRINK?
water coffee tea wine

84. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SPORT?
two ways to jail

85. What is your hair color?
red

86. EYE COLOR?
blue

87. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES?
no

88. SIBLINGS?
jen.

89. FAVORITE MONTH?
april.

90. YOU LIKE SUSHI?
mmmmm.

91. LAST THING YOU WATCHED?
bad movie.

92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
i don't know yet.

93. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?
yup.

94. SUMMER OR WINTER?
SUMMERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR omg

95. KISSES OR HUGS?
both. at the same time.

96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?
relationships. they're less slutty.

97. WHO IS THE MOST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
probably no one. i would say bids but i stole this from him.

98. WHO IS THE LEAST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
everyone.

99. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING?
zen and the art of motercycle maitnence.

100. WHERE DO YOU WORK?
snockey's

omgkbye @ 2006-01-20T01:19:00

2006-01-20T07:12:56Z

skippy penut butter is so salty!! agh! issall about da smuckas, fuckas.

so my first week of the second semester has ended. no class fridays, mondays i don't have class until 5:45 so i have these convenient little four day weekend things going on. my schedule makes it nearly impossible to have a job during the week though. i do have to wake up early on tuesdays and thursdays, but i think i am going to really love that philosophy class. i went to but the books for it (there are seven), woohoooo. it's going to be great.

the book thing didn't actually work out though, because the buisness office apparently does not know how to open mail. i still owe like 3400 dollars so i can't get my i.d. validated so i can't buy books with it. i know for a fact that the check has arrived by now and is sitting in a pile somewhere. i'm about to tear one of those dreadful women a new ass hole. they piss me off.

it was good to see everyone, but i am very sad that roach is gone. it's just not the same. i really do love our little possee of cronies that has ammassed dispite our unfavorable environment. even if i do transfer next year, temple is about ten or fifteen minutes away from arcadia, so i might get an apartment with shay and her friend angela from M.D. this summer. i want a puppy so bad. anyway, at the very least, i will still be able to hang out with these guys.

OMG i just bought a plane ticket. i get to see my love inn less than a month. feb 17th. 10 days. dsklvhkajshdgvkasd. my my my i miss him. when i get back febuary will be over. and march goes in like a lion and out like a lamb! and i am going to LONDON march 11th!! shit!! then it will be april and may and i will get an apartment. i love my fucking life.

omgkbye @ 2006-01-18T01:44:00

2006-01-18T06:46:07Z

Your Heart Is Purple

For you, love is about establishing and developing a deep connection.
If it's true love, it brings you more wisdom and inner strength.

Your flirting style: Sincere

Your lucky first date: An afternoon at a tea house

Your dream lover: Is both thoughtful and expressive

What you bring to relationships: Understanding

What Color Heart Do You Have?

You scored as Art. You should be an Art major! How bohemian!

</td>

Art

100%

English

100%

Theater

92%

Philosophy

92%

Journalism

92%

Psychology

92%

Sociology

83%

Linguistics

83%

Dance

75%

Mathematics

67%

Biology

58%

Engineering

58%

Anthropology

58%

Chemistry

50%

What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3)
created with QuizFarm.com

this thing hits the nail on the head.

omgkbye @ 2006-01-05T21:50:00

2006-01-06T05:55:17Z

alright, false alarm. the world is not coming to an end.

but damn, i was so sure. those sad feelings are so powerful and deceiving sometimes. they just appear and go away as they please and fuck me up for a while. while the fact that my babyboy left today really really just sucks, i knew today would come eventually and now that it's here i'm not afraid of it anymore. i so enjoyed him being within a thousand miles of me. i miss him terribly already. i miss looking forward to seeing him later on today. now it's time to go back to reality.

the reality that is my life right now is definitley going to change though. in some ways it's outdated, and as far as college goes, it's not that i DISlike it, but i really don't like it very much. the idea of going there for the next three years doesn't thrill me, and i want something that will. i did well this past semester, except for math but fuck that. even with that bad grade my gpa is still high enough to transfer to temple next year. i'm seriously considering it. i don't want to waste the prime of my life on something that's merely tolerable.

i also need to work somewhere that can give me more hours. no more diner bull sit, i need to find a nice place like snockey's but instead of working one night a week, i'm gonna say four will be sufficient. pick up an extra day here and there. this won't be easy though. technically i live in two places right now, and next semester i don't know that my schedule will permit a really good job, unless i worked in two places for two nights a week. god fucking knows. but freal,it looks like i am going to need to get out of both places in which i live in the near future. by summer. the dorms, for obvious reasons. my house, because, well. i'm not 1/2 an adult, or 3/4 of an adult. i am one. if financial independence is what it will take for my parents to realize this, then i would be more than willing to support myself. but that's not even it. i know they don't really care about that, and i should abide by whatever few rules they set for me, not so that they will pay for my shit but just out of respect. i just need to not live here. even though whatever domestic disputes that occured last night and the night before have, for the most part, been resolved, it's not that specific situation that has me feeling this way. it's the principle of it. my mom even said living here isn't healthy for me. haha. so there we have it. and it has to be by this summer. otherwise there will just be more problems and i will go insane.

i'm kind of regretting that i didn't bring home my paint. they've just been sitting in my dorm room gathering dust for the past few months, but i need somehing to keep myself busy. i could fall asleep right now, and probably sleep for a very long time.but that's just a temporary solution. they all are, i just need to have lots of them in order to curb this strange anxious feeling i have. i feel really excited, but not for anything that is going to occur anywhere near the immediate future. all these big plans i'm making, the milestones are far away. at least they're getting closer each day, though. there have to be little stupid things in between, so i'm not just waiting for time to pass and wasting my time. maybe i will paint the walls in my room. go to the library and get some books. pick up as many days at work as i possibly can. go out with my friends. exercise my disgraceful excuse of a human body. i'm getting an awesome camera for my birthday. somehow i'm going to try and get somewhat educated in the field of photography, because i'm switching my major from english to journalism and then i could tie the two together and get hired by national geographic and travel around the world and lead an exciting life. words aren't interesting enough, there has to be some kind of visual illustration to really say what you're trying to. that's how i feel at least.

anyway, fuck. it's only one and i am home and i feel sleepy, so i suppose i'll take advantage of it before my brain eats itself.

omgkbye @ 2006-01-04T17:25:00

2006-01-05T01:38:44Z

my head hurts. there is too much badness happening all at once and nothing i can do about it but live with it. i'm going to have to come up with some kind of plan. i just have no where to start. and all this time, i don't know if it's being wasted or if there really is a purpose behind the struggle. i can't think of anything i can do to make myself happy.

omgkbye @ 2005-12-28T14:31:00

2005-12-28T22:42:09Z

omigod. i am exhausted. i've spent the day piecing together the shattered remains of my life, which would not have been possible had it not been for my wonderful mother carting my ass around and spending money on me. i don't know why she does it. but check it out, last night MY TIRE WENT FLAT. hahaha. it was kind of funny actually. all my fault, 100%. i popped a curb in merchantville and ten miles later it went flat. we just so happened to be following brian's friend though so it worked out. also, i spilled beer all over my cell phone and that broke too. haha. so today. woke up. went to wawa with mumz and waited for triple a because we are too dainty to know how to change the god damn tire. the man came and put a donut on it so i took it to the fixie place, then my mom taught me how to drive a stick in case i had to take her car out tonight. i'm awesome, by the way. then we went to the blind store. like, for windows, not blind people. that was excruciatingly boring, i felt like a little kid pulling on her sleeve after bullshitting in that place for a half hour. then we went to the verizon store. then we went home toget a credit card. then back to the verizon store where my new cell phone was purchased at last. now wez about to go pick up my caa cause it's done already. then i'm taking a bathhhhh and going to have a funfilled evening of crunktastic giggles.

omgkbye @ 2005-12-26T23:20:00

2005-12-27T04:21:10Z

HELLOOOOOO

i just got home from trabajo. i love my job sometimes dude. i smell like crabs and i'm pretty tired but i made $22 an hour working from 5-11. i was broke and now i'm not. yesterday my car wouldn't start and i thought for sure it was the end. that car has had every problem you could imagine. 2 years in a row santa has given me car trouble for xmas. last year my tire exploded. i tried to forget about it and sarah drove me over to brian's and because my car was here no one even noticed i was gone, i came home today at like 330 and my mom was like oh! i was just gonna wake you up. i thought i was going to have to ask her for a ride to philly, but then for some reason it miraculously decided to work. AND a guy at work fixed my headlight!! today was awesome. there are mad ideas brewing in my little brain that have a potential of flushing all of my worries down the toilet. speaking of indoor plumbing, i am going to go take a shower and pick up a sixer.

omgkbye @ 2005-12-25T00:24:00

2005-12-25T05:34:33Z

it's so hard to distinguish what feelings are justified and which ones are completely absurd. just my brain manipulating the truth into whatever will make me feel the worst. even if it makes less sense.

i wish i was six years old and trying to force myself to go to sleep so that santa would come and bring me toys.

omgkbye @ 2005-12-19T14:35:00

2005-12-19T19:35:58Z

popdsofpodsaf

omgkbye @ 2005-12-19T03:22:00

2005-12-19T09:13:24Z

i'm really confused. every single aspect of my life lacks balance. that is why i'm moody. which might explain what i'm confused about, it's hard for me to even say. i feel like an idiot. am i an idiot? i don't need favors. they make me feel like a fuck and i definitley don't need that. maybe i'm just stupid, but i don't know what's going on. i don't even know if i'm supposed to. i wish something would have the opposite affect. now i'm just thinking two things at once and not making any sense.

i'm a repulsive chain-smoking fiend.

it's practically morning, and i've yet to come anywhere near finishing this bull sit. are you suprised? i'm not. at all.

omgkbye @ 2005-12-18T23:36:00

2005-12-19T04:41:36Z

i will always find a way to procrastinate no matter what. i still haven't written my paper. i came home from work, picked my sister up from work, took a bath, played with random objects in my room and played dress up. finally came down here to get crackin and stumble upon this little thing and of course i simply can't resist. i really like the mood i'm in right now, a little too much, i think. remember being pure? not wanting to alter your constant state of mind by any means possible? oh well.

Go to your Calendar and find the first entry for each month of 2005. Post the first line of it in your journal, and that's your "Year In Review."

[[[ok i changed it to the first paragraph, simply because i tend to start my entries with one word or something completely lame and redundant. actually, this past year was kind of lame and redundant, now that i look at it.]]]

2005 In Review

January:

so. i'm home again. it's cold, ugly, and i feel like shit. it was a great trip, i must say i thoroughly enjoyed myself in miami. being back here though, i don't know. the gray sky, twisted skeletal lifeless treetops, the streets, the people.. i feel like i'm going to burst into tears at any given moment. i feel them in my eyes. i did miss my dog and my car, but i could have used more time away from everything else. at least i got some though. i don't feel like being asleep and i don't feel like being awake. asleep is probably my best bet, though. i got four hours of sleep the night before last and none last night. FHKJSHDkjnsakaUWIOiU.

February:
meh. i am currently in the process of massivley expanding my cd collection. it's a tedious process. i've been a burning machine these past 24 hours. i feel accomplished and worth something. in a sense.

March:
and give a kiss to my motha
when i think about it, i am not a total waste of space. i get sort of discouraged when i think about how much i have worked and how little money i have saved, but i shouldn't use that to measure how much of my life is just wasteful, petty, sleepy nonsense.

April:
i just got home from work. my babygurl is home, finally. she's hobbling around, following me and whimpering and i have no idea what i can do for her. i gave her like six beggin strips and took her on a little walk outside and she peed a bunch of times and pooped. she has a huge blue bandage on that looks like a little sweater. i wish she would stop crying, the surgery went very well, but she's in a lot of pain. it's breaking my heart.

May:
skyyy rockets in flight, afternoon delight

the shore last weekend

douche

cock sackie!

my loves

mae

<3 oh est.

everything was closed on coney island

yes.

bah

June:
in the past two days i have overcome my laziness in many ways. and my last week of high school has finally commenced, it's all going to be over soon. friday was the

standing there not blinking. fun.

we put our uh! into it.

dude. we were obviously the hottest ones there.

it was a genuinley grand evening, i had so much more fun than i thought i was going to have. the last two proms were just, eh. i'm so glad i ended up going.

July:
my plan was to purchase a tape player, thinking it would be cheap because who the fuck listens to cassetts anymore? then i could have gotten a little adaptermabob. so i go to circuit city tonight and the tape player is like 90 bucks plus another 15 for the adapter so i was like fuuuuck that and just bought a new cd player with an auxilary outlet on it. it was expensive as fuck, but driving without music was HORRIBLE. it's so unnerving. me and my impulses. what ev, it put me in a good mood all night.

August:
so i'm not really feeling like going to work. i got a little sleep at least between 10 and 12 am, but they were chopping down a tree across the street so it was loud. fuck dude. oh well. i'm in a good mood.

September:
i'm at college. i really love it. i'm in a sad mood right now, probabaly for the first time since i've been here. which figures, because the only time i am writing in here is when i'm bitching and moaning. i don't like reality sometimes. i would rather just pretend.

October:
hey slut. i'm in florida. brian is at class and i just went to buy beer, so i am just cheeelin now waiting for him to come back. i love this. i wish every day could be this nice. damn the man. i feel kind of bad about missing class but whatever. if i didn't miss them to be here i would miss them anyway just to do something lame like sleep. we have like 4-6 excused absences per class, some teachers don't care, and tomorrow is rosh hashana so if i just tell them i'm a jew, tuesday won't even count towards the absences. score. it says so in the syllabus.

November:
today was halloween yo! i had a mid term this morning for the modern middle east. how mean to give us a mid-term on halloween. but it was fine, i had nothing to be afraid of.

December:
i am one twisted freaky bitch. i am in a good mood. after last night being spent doing things that were most definitely not what i should have been doing, which was writing my paper, i decided before going to bed at 4 that i needed to get a good night's sleep, i needed to see the light of day and do things that were starting to pile up. so i did. in order to do that i had to skip my classes this morning, but i feel that it was justified. in fact i feel like i am completely redeemed because i got lots of things done today.

omgkbye @ 2005-12-18T09:31:00

2005-12-18T17:37:51Z

oooooooooii. i have to go to work and write a ten page paper today. the last thing i wanted to do was leave his warm bed. now i am here, and it is time to go get changed into my stupid work clothes. after i get just a few papers out of the way, then i really will be finished. i sort of convinced myself that school was already over the past few days, but that simply isn't the case. almost though. i just have to write one ten page paper, two four page papers and go back on tuesday to give an oral presentation. and i will work today and wedendsday, get some mons and go buy christmas presents. eventually i am going to feel accomplished and good. the opposite of right now. i need some coffeeee.e.e.e.e.ewkhedl.

omgkbye @ 2005-12-17T02:29:00

2005-12-17T07:30:55Z

ahhhbaaakhdkahkfahf

fuck

ghey

2005-12-14T05:49:54Z

LAST PERSON WHO

1. Slept in your bed: me
2. Saw you cry: my momma
3. Made you cry: myself
4. Went to the movies with you: i don't remember the last time i went to the movies.
5. You went to the mall with: sarah probs
7. You went to dinner with: cat
8. You talked on the phone with: my sister
9. Said 'I love you' to you and really meant it: my dad
10. Broke your heart: leonardo dicaprio
11. Made you laugh: my sister
12. Bought you something: it was a slice of pizza. and i'm not quite sure.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

W O U L D Y O U R A T H E R

1. pierce your nose or tongue? neither. ow.
2. be serious or be funny? funny
3. drink whole or skim milk? skimmeyimmyimmy
4. die in a fire or drown? i would rather drown. fire burns.
5. spend time with your parents or go down on someone? what the fuck. seriously.
-------------------------------------------------------------

A R E Y O U

1. simple or complicated? comlicated i guess. i don't understand myself sometimes.
2. Gay? no
3. Hardcore? hmm. no.
4. Honest? yes
------------------------------------------------------------

DO YOU PREFER

1. flowers or angels? what the fuck do those two things have to do with eachother
2. gray or black? blk
3. Color or Black and white photos? black and white
4. lust or love? both
5. sunrise or sunset? sunrise
6. M&Ms or Skittles? skits bitz
7. rap or rock? both.

-----------------------------------------------------------

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY

1. do you like anyone? yes.
2. do they know it? yes.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

DO YOU PREFER

1. being hot or cold? hooootttttttttt fuck the cold. fuck.
2. sun or moon?moon
3. Winter or Fall? fall
4. left or right? well i like making right turns rather than left turns. other than that they both have their own good aspects.
5. having 10 acquaintances who will have sex with you or having 2 best friends? ha ha. uh. well i do love gang bangs, but 2 best friends are much harder to find than 10 aquaintances to hve sex with. they might be ugly, but hey.
6. sun or rain? sun.
7. vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream? vanilla
8. boys or girls? boys
9. vodka or Jack? jaack. come on now.
-----------------------------------------------------------------

ABOUT YOU

What time is it? 12:32
Name? casey
Nickname(s): snasey cock. casey jones. snaser. snock. cock.
-----------------------------------------------------------------

WHAT DO YOU WANT

Where do you want to live? amsterdam
How many kids do you want? scary.
What kind of job do you want? photo journalist who gets to travel all over the world.
Do you want to get married? not right now.
-----------------------------------------------------------------

UNIQUE

1. Nervous Habits? hm. playing with objects.
2. Are you double jointed? no
3. Can you roll your tongue? yeah. a lot of good that does me.
4. Can you raise one eyebrow? yes.
5. Can you cross your eyes? yes.
6. Do you make your bed daily? never

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

CLOTHES, ETC

1. Which shoe goes on first? which ever one i find first.
2. ever thrown one at someone? yes
3. On the average, how much money do you carry in your wallet? there is no average. one week i will have a hundred dollars, the next i will have whatever change i find at the bottom of my purse.
4. What jewelry do you wear?rings. an earring. a belly button garnish.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

F O O D

1. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? twirl
2. Have you ever eaten Spam? ew. no.
3. Favorite ice cream flavor? vanillala and coffee.
4. How many kinds cereal are in your cabinet? two. corn flakes and cheerios. it's very exciting.
5. What's your favorite beverage? watah coffee and wine
6. What's your favorite restaurant? wildflower thai cafe
7. Do you cook? when i'm not too lazy, yes.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

GROOMiNG

1. How often do you brush your teeth? in the morning and before bed
2. How do you wear your hair for the most part? clipped up
3. Have you ever dyed/highlighted your hair? yes

---------------------------------------------------------------------

MANNERS

1. Do you swear? yes
2. Do you ever spit? loogs
3. You cook your own food? if i had the option i would. i either have to eat gross school food or starve.
4. You do your own chores? chores? i stopped considering them chores when i stopped getting allowance.
6. You like beef jerky? ew no.
7. You like pepsi or coke? pepsi
8. You plan on going to college? tomorrow morning
9. You're happy with your hair? i don't really care about it very much.
10. You own a dog? <3 yes
11. You spend your money wisely? not even a little bit
12. You're always making new friends? not really.
13. You like to swim? yes
14. have You ever got so bored you call a friend? probs
15. You're patient? no
16. You like this survey? it's better than what i'm about to do. study for a math final i am driving back to school tomorrow morning to take.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

LET'S BE HONEST

In the last month have you...

1. Had sex? YEA!!!
2. Bought something? YEA!!
3. Gotten sick? YEA1!!
4. Sang? YEA!!!
5. Been kissed? YEA!!!
7. Felt stupid? haha yesterday when i spilled wine all over smack's bed.
8. Missed someone? mmhmm
9. Got drunk? ha ha
10. Gotten high? HAA HAA
11. Danced crazy? i'm sure i have.
12. Gotten your hair cut? i don't know. sarah cut it a little while ago.
13. Watched cartoons? yesss
14. Lied? yes, unfortunatley i have to do that sometimes.
------------------------------------------------------------

H A V E Y O U E V E R

1. Wished you were the opposite sex? yes
2. Snuck out of your house? yess
3. Gave money to a homeless person? mmhmm

BEST
1. male friend: smack or alex
2. female friend: sarah
3. vacation: greece
4. age: 15 or so. yes. 15 definitley, before anything.
5. memory: being a little kid. pretend, playing cops and robber and watching peewee with alex, riding in my dad's car listening to oldies 98.1, the smell of bread, christmas, the shore, really early in the morning with my mom, going on trips with sarah. ten dollar mic and alter ego shows, the cosme's house, day trips during the summer with smackandestie, slaughter beach.

WORST
1. Time of day: waking up. duh.
2. Day of the week: monday monday
3. Food: mayonaise
4. Memory: crazy crazy shit.
5. Boyfriend or girlfriend: it was the best and the worst

LASTS
1. Person u saw: my sister
2. Talk on the phone: my sisterrrr. or cat maybe.
3. Hugged: brian or my moma
4. Messaged: briaaananan vviiiiiig
5: IM: peach

FIRSTS
1. Kiss: 8th grade
2. Serious bf or gf: jim
3. Car: mi caaa!! 93 mitz-oo-beesh-ie
4. First school: atlantic avenue elementray. preschool is a joke.
5. Job: before i was old enough to wait tables and had to buss them.

TODAY
1. What are you doing now: procrastinating. real bad.
2. Tonight: studying, getting a couple hours of sleep
3. Wearing: sweatpants and cat's camooflauge thermallllie shirt
4. What did you eat for lunch: a piece of pizza.
5: Better than yesterday: today was chiller.

TOMORROW
1. Is: my math final. the last time i have to go to school for a long time.
2. Got any plans: wake up at 7. buy some coffee at wawa and drive back to school. take my math final. make sure there is no food or illegal things in my room. print out my english paper and do the sources for my mid east paper. drive home. take a bath/take a nap/call brian/smack, smoke some doob.
3. Goal: i have no goals.
4. Dislikes about tomorrow: the wholewaking up and school part.

FAV'S
1. Number: 9
2: Song: right now. emerald ally--up,bustle&out,
3. Color: grass green. ambergoldreddishorange
4. Season: spriingaa
5. State: fuck my ass. massachusets was nice.

CURRENTS
1. Are you in love? sii, ah mi amor
2. Dating someone: chyah
3. Missing someone: hmm. now that i think about it yeah. thanks a lot.
4. Mood: tired. lazy. apathetic. pile of crappish.
5. Wanting: sleep and no obligations.